


Stay

by Cherry



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, M/M, Possible implied relationship, The pointless deaths of 250000 people, Trust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-07
Updated: 2013-10-07
Packaged: 2017-12-28 17:40:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/994714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherry/pseuds/Cherry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two hundred and fifty thousand survivors of the fall of Wall Maria are being sent out to fight the titans and retake the wall. Erwin Smith is put in an impossible situation and Levi is struggling to accept his decisions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stay

**Author's Note:**

> Very angst-ridden, but this idea wouldn't leave me alone. This is such a huge event - surely it was questioned?

Erwin had never seen Levi so furious – not even all those years ago when he’d looked into hate-filled storm-grey eyes and known that Levi’s sole aim was to kill him. Now the captain’s scowl was ferocious, his eyes glittering in the low lamplight, as he slammed a fist down onto Erwin’s desk and growled, “You’re not seriously going along with this fucking _cull_?”

Erwin had to fight to keep his own composure, nerves fraying after too many sleepless nights. He put down his pen quietly and met Levi’s burning gaze. “What choice do I have?”

He’d meant it as a rhetorical question, but as he spoke he realised how badly he wanted Levi to give him an answer – any answer – some unforeseen way to take the responsibility away, because it was too much to bear, this time. 

“Refuse! This isn’t a ‘glorious advance’ or ‘one great push for peace’ or whatever the fuck those bastards inside Sina are trying to sell it as. It’s serving up a fifth of the population to the titans on a fucking plate - you know it is! How many of them have even so much as held a weapon? Half of them are too old or too young to do more than scream and piss themselves when they see a titan – and I don’t fucking blame them. How many of them will even get manoeuvre gear?”

“None. There’s no time to train them. They aren’t... at least they aren’t sending the children.”

“Well shit. Why the hell not? If they stay here they’ll only grow up and breed and use up resources in that damned inconvenient way they do. They should be in the vanguard – they’d make great starters.”

“Levi -”

“What? This is murder. You have to refuse! Erwin!”

Erwin jumped to his feet, scattering papers from his desk. “Fuck, Levi, don’t you think I’ve tried? If you can think of any argument I haven’t already considered then please, tell me! If not, and all you’re going to do is resort to stupid sarcasm, then get out of my office. This is happening. I can’t stop it.”

Levi stared at his commander. He struggled to control his breathing. In a more moderate tone he asked, “But – surely the military police and the garrison won’t go themselves? So, if we refuse -”

Erwin took a breath. “If we refuse, the military police will force the civilians out of the gate with no escort at all. It will be chaos. Perhaps even open rebellion.”

“Good!” Levi cried, his temper reignited, “they _should_ rebel! Are you saying they shouldn’t fight for their own survival? And perhaps we should –”

“Don’t!” Erwin warned. “If you finish that sentence, I will be forced to have you arrested.” Erwin lowered his voice. “Listen, Levi. There are fewer than three hundred of us. If we refuse to do this, the entire Survey Corps will be disbanded and we’ll be tried as traitors. This action has been sanctioned – ordered – by the government. If the king could stop it he would have done. We can’t fight the garrison and the military police. Why do you think the Survey Corps has always been such a small force?”

“But two hundred and fifty thousand people! They’re all going to die!”

“I know.”

Levi turned his head away from Erwin. “It would be kinder to kill them in their sleep. I’d do it. I –” Levi’s eyes were shadowed, but his body was rigid with tension. Erwin went to him and put a hand on his shoulder, but Levi pulled away. “You know we can’t do that,” Erwin said, pointlessly.

“I know we can’t do _this_ ,” Levi replied. He met Erwin’s steady gaze in desperate appeal. “It’s because of the food shortages, I get that. But there must be enough food if we can only – You’re not telling me that those bastards inside Sina are starving? Those pigs will still be troughing cakes and swilling wine while the survivors of Wall Maria are being _eaten_.”

Erwin went back to his desk and sat down heavily, shuffling the scattered papers into a loose pile. Levi looked at them – sketches of configurations, battle plans, hastily written notes – endless working and reworking of futile attempts to make something feasible out of impossible numbers.

“Even if the capital could be persuaded to share, there wouldn’t be enough food.” Erwin said. “We have to do this. I’ve asked for volunteers.” He almost smiled for a moment, and there was pride in his tone as he continued, “There were a lot. I’ve chosen seven. They all have family or friends among the survivors. Miles Adler will lead the squad. He’s a capable man. If he can organize the civilians… I’ve been making plans with him. If he divides the civilians into units of thirty and they hack at the tendons in the titans’ ankles, then they might stand a chance of felling them, even with scythes and pitchforks. Once they’re down, anyone with a blade can go for the neck.”

There was nothing to say, and Levi’s lack of comment was eloquent.

Erwin sighed aloud, and Levi looked up, startled. “All I can do,” Erwin said, “is to try to give them some hope. Hope breeds courage. At least if they die fighting rather than fleeing, the adrenaline will help them with the fear. I’ve known soldiers lose limbs and hardly feel it –”

“Yes, _soldiers_!” cried Levi. “This is a farce. If we really want to retake Wall Maria we’ll need months to lay supply lines, and a plan to close the breach. We’ll need the garrison. With say, two brigades, and enough planning, we might –”

“I know. I know. But this is happening in the morning. I can’t stop it.”

“In the morning?”

“Yes.”

Levi looked at Erwin, and nodded. He squared his shoulders and placed his fist over his heart –

“No, Levi.”

“But –”

“You’re not going with them.”

“I volunteer! You should have asked me in the first place. With me, there might be a chance –”

“You know there’s no chance. Not even you could kill that number of titans, or seal the breach in the wall yourself. You’d die heroically, no doubt, but you’d still die. The Survey Corps needs you. The eighty percent need you.”

“But I can’t just stand and do nothing while they go out to die!”

“You can, and you will.”

“I won’t. I’ll go with them. You can’t stop me!”

“Then I’ll go, too.”

Levi stared at Erwin. “What?”

“I’ll go too. We’ll die, but it will be a glorious death, won’t it?”

“You can’t go! Without you – No one else could command the corps, not yet. Zoe’s too reckless; Mike’s too impulsive – We need you. If the Survey Corps is going to survive…”

“Exactly. And I - We need you, too. This is the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. But these are the facts. If those people stay inside Wall Rose they will die of starvation. If they attempt to rebel they’ll be killed by the garrison and the military police. All I can do is send them out there with some kind of hope.”

“But it’s a lie!”

“It’s all I have. And you’re right – I can’t stop you from going with them, short of throwing you into a cell, which would entail casualties, I’m sure. But I’m asking you to trust that I’m following the only course I’ve been able to find – the one I think gives humanity as a whole the best chance of survival.”

“Humanity!” Levi scoffed. “Fucking hell. If this is what we’re fighting for… And you really believe this is the right decision?”

“I think it’s morally indefensible. But I still can’t see any other choice.”

So, you’re ordering me to stay?”  

“Do I have to make it an order?”

Levi gave a bitter smile, and shook his head. “All right. But I can’t watch them leave. Don’t ask me to do that.”

“I wouldn’t ask. Levi – I do understand all your objections. If I could see any other way –”

“Yes. I know.” Levi’s salute was as precise as always, but there was little pride in it. Erwin stood and returned the gesture. “Dismissed.”

He waited until Levi had closed the door behind him before he slumped back into his chair and covered his face with his hands.

 

x

 

The next morning dawned dim, with low, scudding clouds and a stiff breeze, but occasional gaps in the cloud cover allowed some members of the long column that passed slowly through the gate to read hope into the pale rays of sunlight that touched a grey-haired farmer with a hay rake over his shoulder, a solemn girl carrying a sickle, a well-muscled youth who might have chosen to be a soldier if his village hadn’t needed a blacksmith. At the head of the column rode Erwin’s seven volunteers, their tall standard-bearer carrying the bravely flying flag displaying the blue and white wings of the Survey Corps’ insignia.

On top of the wall, Erwin stood watching, Mike and Zoe with him, at a little distance, offering their silent support. Erwin didn’t take his eyes from the column when Levi appeared at his side, but something subtle changed in his too-upright bearing. 

“You didn’t have to come.”

“I know.” Levi glanced at Erwin, then out at the slowly moving column. “No one came from the capital?”

“No. Apparently they were all busy. A representative of the government sent a message thanking the people of Wall Maria for their heroic effort.”

“It’s all fucking bullshit anyway.”

“Yes.”

Levi’s expression remained impassive until the end of the column had passed through the gate, but Erwin could sense the tension in him. Out of the corner of his eye, Erwin registered that Levi was wearing his manoeuvre gear. When the wall vibrated with the rumble of the gate descending, Levi’s jaw clenched and his whole body trembled with the effort of self-restraint. Erwin’s right hand closed into a fist, but he made no move to comfort or control.

When even the dust of the column’s passing had settled, Levi closed his eyes and exhaled deeply. This time, when Erwin put a hand on his shoulder, he didn’t try to shake it off.

“Thank you,” Erwin said.

Levi looked at him and inclined his head, unsmiling. They walked back to the elevator together, their uneven shadows preceding them along the wall in the sudden pale sunlight. 


End file.
